This is me, you all know me. But I wanted to share something that has been on my mind for weeks now and I've just gotta get it out! So I felt like it took all of my college years to "find myself", figure out who I was and what kind of person I was. I found myself, accepted myself, and even grew to love myself. I enjoyed being the type of person I was. I continued to grow older, have more experiences, got married, did more years of college; I moved out of state, twice; had kids, bought a home, and started a small business. Most of you know that I started selling Mary Kay recently. It has been an amazing experience that I have really enjoyed. I have gotten to know so many amazing women and I am so grateful to have them apart of my life and helping me succeed! But on this new path I have heard them describe me and say what kind of person and personality I am and it had me shocked! It wasn't necessarily bad or wrong things but I was saying to myself, 'no, that's not who I am', 'no, I am not like that', 'really, this is so unlike me'. And it had me sad that they saw me as someone different than I saw myself.
I came home one day from a full day saying, 'who am I?' It had me really frustrated, it's been on my mind for weeks! I feel like as I've gotten older and had more responsibilities placed upon me (kids, house, house payments, etc) I have kind of lost myself as a person. Is this normal, does anyone else feel this way? Am I still the same person but have lost a bit of myself or have I changed all together? I realize that we're constantly changing and evolving but am I totally different person now? Can I still be the person that I accepted when I was in college or do I need to re-find myself and accept and fall in love with the new me all over again? And if that's the case how often do I need to do this? Talk about exhausting! It was hard enough to do in college on my own and now I have to do it all over again?
Now I feel like I'm almost forcing myself to be the person I was to help find the person I used to be. I want other people to see me how I see me, but now I feel like I'm working too hard. I'm heartbroken that I'm nearing 30 and am feeling so lost. Any thoughts to share?
A Month in Washington DC
4 years ago