Finding a new me

This is me, you all know me. But I wanted to share something that has been on my mind for weeks now and I've just gotta get it out! So I felt like it took all of my college years to "find myself", figure out who I was and what kind of person I was. I found myself, accepted myself, and even grew to love myself. I enjoyed being the type of person I was. I continued to grow older, have more experiences, got married, did more years of college; I moved out of state, twice; had kids, bought a home, and started a small business. Most of you know that I started selling Mary Kay recently. It has been an amazing experience that I have really enjoyed. I have gotten to know so many amazing women and I am so grateful to have them apart of my life and helping me succeed! But on this new path I have heard them describe me and say what kind of person and personality I am and it had me shocked! It wasn't necessarily bad or wrong things but I was saying to myself, 'no, that's not who I am', 'no, I am not like that', 'really, this is so unlike me'. And it had me sad that they saw me as someone different than I saw myself. 
  I came home one day from a full day saying, 'who am I?' It had me really frustrated, it's been on my mind for weeks! I feel like as I've gotten older and had more responsibilities placed upon me (kids, house, house payments, etc) I have kind of lost myself as a person. Is this normal, does anyone else feel this way? Am I still the same person but have lost a bit of myself or have I changed all together? I realize that we're constantly changing and evolving but am I totally different person now? Can I still be the person that I accepted when I was in college or do I need to re-find myself and accept and fall in love with the new me all over again? And if that's the case how often do I need to do this? Talk about exhausting! It was hard enough to do in college on my own and now I have to do it all over again?
  Now I feel like I'm almost forcing myself to be the person I was to help find the person I used to be. I want other people to see me how I see me, but now I feel like I'm working too hard. I'm heartbroken that I'm nearing 30 and am feeling so lost. Any thoughts to share?

they're so big!

I don't know how it worked out so nicely but this fall when we went to get family pictures it worked out perfectly because Cason is just about 3 years old and Myra is right on 6 months, how awesome. We decided since our children are more beautiful and interesting than us to just get it to the kids and boy am I glad that I did. They turned out amazing! I wanted to post them all but knew it'd take too long so here's some of my favorites and I think I'll post the rest on Facebook. Enjoy!

 The best one of both of them-

 What a stud-

 Melts your heart, right?

 If that one didn't turn you into mush the next few will-

 Absolutely love and adore my beautiful children!



Lately-

Why is it so hard to blog? I have no idea! I always have good intentions to empty off the SD card onto the computer and then blog about stuff but it just never happens. "Blog" stays ono the to-do list for days at a time. *sigh*

Here's what we've been up to lately and some pictures that I've been dying to show off-

Can I just tell you how much Cason and Myra love each other? When it's time for Myra to wake up Cason comes in with me to get her every time and then after a diaper change he asks to hold her, every time. And Myra's sweet face lights up with a huge smile every time she sees Cason. And whenever he's being crazy and loud she watches him to see what he's up to. It's so fun. Here's an awesome shot I got of Cason reading to Myra. I love it because Myra is actually looking at the pictures (oh, and the little "lamp", as Cason calls it, in front of the book is on)-

 One day it was raining and Cason asked if he could get out the umbrella. By the time I went in a found one it had pretty much stopped raining but he still had fun walking around with an umbrella. Hopefully next time I'll be a little quicker...or the rain will last a little longer-

 Why do pictures do this?! It's always the best ones too so even though it's sideways I still had to include it because the picture is so adorable-

 Can you believe Myra is 6 months old now? She seems so big. Tummy time is no big these days and she's sitting up like a pro!

 As of right now she loves to eat. She makes a huge mess every day and most of her adorable outfits now have green and orange stains on them but as long as she's eating I guess, right? We've been adventurous and have given her watermelon, carrots, and also soft things. Here Trav decided to try a peach. She loved it! And practically sucked the thing dry-

 Like I said, sitting up like a pro-

 Cason started preschool. Here's the best shot I could get of him before we headed to the car for his first big day-

 Myra loves feeding herself. Here she's eating a Mum-Mum which she totally just loves. Every time I give her one I think 'This'll give me a good 15 minutes to clean up' but no, she finishes these things in just a couple of minutes-

 I started out having a hard time figuring out where to feed her at since she wasn't sitting up very good on her own. I tried a couple different places and by the time I was done figuring out the best place for her she was throwing a fit. I couldn't it help it though, I had to take the shot-

She was not happy with me and I even felt a little guilty about it but don't worry, I gave her lots of love as soon as I put the camera down. Instead of Cason taking a nap during Sacrament meeting on Sundays he now does it after church, which we've decided we're more than okay with- 

 While cooking dinner Cason makes 'towers' out of the cups and bowls from the cupboard and then he waits by the small window for Trav to come home while repeating, 'I see Daddy come home from work'. It is adorable-



Her smile has turned green-

My aboslute least favorite stage of all the baby stages is solid foods! I don't know why but I have been dreading it ever since Myra was born and at her four month check out when the pediatrican saw she wasn't gaining a whole lot of wait he said those awful words: "you should probably get her started on cereal and veggie's pretty soon". Noooooo!! Anything but solids. But I did it. I started Miss Myra on baby cereal and veggie's and yes, I still hate it. But Myra seems to be enjoying it-

 Green beans are not her favorite but she is definitely enjoying the peas-

 See what I mean, loves them-

 Green beans are a fight but I've also given her sweet potatoes and squash and believe it or not, she's not into the squash. I thought she would have since they're kinda sweet but I guess not. Maybe she'll like them after a couple more tries-

 So even though she's adorable with her green smile and slobbery face-

 I still hate solids!

Camping trip #2

As soon as we came home from Lava we unpacked, washed everything, and then packed it all back up again to head out the very next weekend. We headed out to the Unitah Mountains and had a lot of fun. There wasn't quite as much to do but the river helped keep us busy. Cason loved climbing in, getting wet, and throwing rocks around. Not to mention it was the first time he got to swim without a shirt on (he usually wears a swim shirt). When we got home he kept asking to "go swimming in my belly", yes it's adorable!

 There was plenty of dust and dirt to crawl and play in-

 We did lots of hanging out together-

 And more hanging out by the fire-

 We also took bikes and scooters and did lots of riding on the road, Cason was in heaven-

 The very last morning we were there I was about to go back into the tent to feed Myra and leave Cason out by the picnic table to play when I saw this right next to our tents-

How grateful I was that I saw this ginormous moose (there were two actually) before I left him alone with them because he kept wanting to "go say hi". They were pretty cool though. We watched them until they ate enough and walked away. Fun camping trip! But we were definitely ready to be home though. While we were packing up Cason kept saying "I'm ready to go home". It was pretty funny and we were more than happy to oblige.